Should Christians Date Non-Christians?
Our choice of whom to date should honor God, with marriage in view and godly counsel along the way.
The Bible does not speak specifically to dating because dating and a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is a relatively modern social practice. Because of this, we need to wrestle with the principles of Scripture as they relate to dating. Since all of life should be lived for the glory of God, then surely the choice to date someone should be done for the glory of God also.
It is important to note that the Bible does not have a category for engaging in a romantic relationship without considering marriage. This means that when Christians think about romance, sex and an exclusive life-partner, they should be thinking about marriage. Therefore, it would be inappropriate for a Christian to choose a dating partner who is a non-Christian because they should be thinking about marriage and the Biblical command is to choose marriage only with another Christian. To go against this advice would be unwise and will lead to unnecessary difficulties if the relationship escalates to the possibility of engagement and marriage.
What about Christians who are already dating a non-Christian? If the relationship is new and the Christian has recently come to the realization that he/she should only marry someone who is a Christian, I think it is appropriate to seriously consider breaking up. The heart of the matter is always: “Who is more important: this person or God?” However, I understand that there is sensitivity to the consequences of breaking up and hurting the feelings of the other person. Because of these complicated factors, such a Christian needs wise counsel from a church leader, a pastor or a mature older Christian.
What if the relationship has gone on for a long time? I think the consideration of breaking up is still appropriate given the biblical teaching. However, I also understand the inner turmoil and the reluctance to break up for a variety of reasons.
So, I offer the following advice for those seeking an alternative:
In your prayer, be open to God about any option, even if that means breaking up. Regularly check your heart for ulterior motives and confess those to God.
Set godly physical boundaries and communicate your worldview about sexual purity and the need to be blameless.
Have conversations with your boyfriend/girlfriend about your relationship with Christ and how the Bible teaches that you can only marry another Christian. Invite the person to consider Christ, share the gospel with them, and introduce them to your pastor.
On the condition that your non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend concretely demonstrates a seeker’s heart, perhaps it would be permissible to remain in a dating relationship and wait on God’s mercy to bring them to faith.
If your non-Christian boyfriend/girlfriend consistently shows resistance to the gospel, it is time to prayerfully consider breaking up.
Throughout the whole process, I need to repeat the point that it is essential to include your pastor, church leader and/or older mature Christians throughout every step of the way. Our hearts are deceitful especially when it comes to romance and we deeply need to listen to godly advice.