When a Christian Friend Dates a Non-Christian: Speaking Truth with Love

Faithful friendship means speaking biblical truth with gentleness, praying regularly, and walking alongside your friend through difficult relationship choices.

The Apostle Paul teaches this in Galatians 6:1: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

If you are friends with a Christian who is struggling with this life-choice, it is your responsibility to pray and start a conversation about the Biblical teaching and the consequences of choosing to engage in a romantic relationship with a non-Christian.

Here are some considerations depending on the situation:

1. The Christian is thinking about dating a non-Christian

This is the best time to speak to them because they have not made the decision to date a non-Christian. You should sit down with your brother or sister in Christ and speak about this subject from a Biblical point of view. Most of all, it is important to emphasize that this is a matter of the heart: “Are they willing to trust God with their love life or will they take things into their own hands?”

2. The Christian is already in a dating relationship with a non-Christian

This becomes a more complicated situation and you’ll need to help them form a biblical worldview. I think the consideration of breaking up is appropriate given the biblical teaching. However, I also understand the inner turmoil and the reluctance to break up for a variety of reasons.

Encourage your friend to be open to God about any option, examine their heart, set godly physical boundaries, and have conversations with their boyfriend/girlfriend about Christ. On the condition that the non-Christian partner concretely demonstrates a seeker’s heart, perhaps it would be permissible to remain in the relationship and wait on God’s mercy to bring them to faith. If the partner consistently shows resistance to the gospel, it is time to prayerfully consider breaking up.

Throughout this process, include a pastor, a church leader, or an older, mature Christian. Our hearts are deceitful especially when it comes to romance and we need godly advice.

3. The Christian has dated a non-Christian for years and is now considering marriage

The situation has intensified, and you’ll definitely need to include a pastor or a church leader. This may be an indication that you need to speak more extensively about this subject with your friend.

Having such a conversation at this point may risk your friendship, but if you are a close friend, it may be that God is calling you to be the friend who speaks truth with love.

4. The Christian has married a non-Christian

It is not a sin to remain married to a non-Christian according to 1 Corinthians 7:12–13. A Christian is under the same biblical commands given to all Christian spouses to honor the marriage. Encourage your friend to be a Christian influence in their spouse’s life, to regularly pray for their salvation, and to seek opportunities for spiritual conversations.

If your friend became a Christian after marriage, that is different from having knowingly chosen to disobey God’s commands by marrying a non-Christian. In the latter situation, I advise that your friend meet with a pastor or church leader and go through a process of confession for that former sin while continuing to honor the marriage.

As their friend, continue to have fellowship with them and support them in how they can be a witness to their spouse. Pray with them regularly.